Thursday, May 3, 2012

You Just Might Be.

I have been in my thoughts about a specific somebody for the past few weeks, and it is driving me absolutely mad. I hate to think that it took a nervous breakdown to realize how much I truly adore and enjoy them in my life, but it is what it is. The thought of them makes me smile, their presence makes me calm, and their laugh...well it's just one of the most adorable things I've ever heard. The only shitty thing about all of these feelings is that I feel it may be too late for me to say what I'm feeling. We had our time in the past, but there was never any initial closure, then you have that whole period where we weren't really talking and that is what is really making this whole ordeal unbearable. I don't know or care too much what her current situation is, I just want her to know how I genuinely and truly feel just so I can be at peace. The waking up with her on my mind, the dreams (and there have been some pretty loopy dreams about her), and the going to sleep with what I want to say is constantly on my mind and tormenting me in a sense. I don't recall what the feeling of loving or being in love with someone feels like anymore, it's been a while, that is why I am driving myself crazy. Have a strange feeling that when we met last December that I may have found exactly what I've been looking for in her, and it scares the living shit out of me thinking that she could be (as cliche as this may come off) the one that might get away; this idea does not sit well with me, my mind, or heart at all. Eventually I have to tell her, I juts hope it's not too late, and I damn sure hope that it is not too soon...too soon too say "I Love You". I've only told one person how I'm feeling, because they can read me like a fucking book and they know what the deal is in how I have been nonstop babbling on about this for weeks. I don't want to call her up or do some impersonal shit like send her a LONG ASS text message with something like this on my heart. I want her to see a man who has let go of all of his doubt, insecurity, and fear just to tell her how she truly feels. Then, I want to see her reaction, but once again that's not what I am concerned with, I'm doing this so I can sleep at night. And if me belting out these three words that have brought some of the strongest couples together or ran a person out of a relationship somehow brings US together, then I am all for it. We work well together. Don't get me wrong, I do speak to other females, but lately my point of focus has been HER and no one else. As crazy as that sounds coming from a college dude, it's the truth. I don't know what tomorrow has in store, let alone the next couple of hours, but pretty soon she will know and we'll have nowhere to hide when love rains the truth, I hope you feel it too.