Sunday, August 14, 2011


It's when people ask you "are you okay?" knowing damn well you aren't but you say "no" knowing that you just did that person a favor concealing the deep, dark, and violent truth which they will not ever be able to handle. The truth's about ourselves that we tell to someone who thinks highest of us is the ultimate fear. Nobody who cares about you or loves you wants to hear about the monster you've created in your mind of yourself. We all feel a bit down and depressed at time, depression is the common cold of our conscience, there's just no escaping that reality. I hate the world we live in, that's probably the first thing that really blew out my flame. Just knowing that no matter where I go outside of these boring DMV walls, there will be another place where the people are just as boring, just as basic, just as ignorant, and just as evil as the ones I am dealing with now. There is nothing wrong with being afraid, absolutely nothing. Just don't let your fear define who you are and who you become. I'm just tired of being afraid of myself, fuck everybody else, I really am my own worst enemy when it comes to facing anything. I'm always at war with myself. Am I good enough, can I do it, will my dreams come true, can I ever compare to this and that? Insecure much? Who isn't? I think it is the biggest load of bullshit when people say that they have no insecurities, everyone is insecure to an extent. I do not know where I'm going with this, or where I'm going at all to be honest, all I know is that I have no choice but to move forward with each second, each minute, each hour, and each day until something says otherwise. I'm just tired of everything at this point and I am having the hardest time trying to figure out what is and what isn't important to me right now...

Friday, August 12, 2011

My Letter to Amy.

I know it had been almost four years since your last studio album was released and since you debuted in the United States, but I can honestly say that I am going to miss everything you ever did musically. You were truly one of the few truly talented and brilliant singers/songwriters left of my my opinion one of the best ever. I was thrilled when I found out that you were launching Lioness Records and your first artist signed to the label was Dionne Bromfield, your Goddaughter. I was even excited to know that you were headed back to rehab to finally get yourself clean so that you could make more music. Even though, at times I was very selfish at the fact that you were going back into rehab simply knowing that that meant we (the fans) were going to have to wait even longer to hear new music from you, but the music that you created on the Frank and Back to Black album are so awesome that they are enough to last a lifetime, and health is far more important than anything. I hate how the media treated you when you were alive, but I hated them even more when you passed. The media is full of two-faced cunts that's for sure, and it is that reason that I am so happy to be in school studying the media business so I can come in and hopefully put a dent in it and change how they go about talking about troubled celebrities and PEOPLE. That is just not the way to treat a human being. You were TROUBLED, what they NEVER understood about you while you were alive is the fact that you were in fact troubled and were suffering from a disease. People do not understand that alcoholism is in fact a disease and not just taking one too many shots at a party every few weeks, but it is a unfortunate one, but nonetheless an addiction, I've had enough victims of alcoholism in my life to understand it myself. When you died all of these beautiful pictures that I had to break my neck and spend hours to find are now all of a sudden all over internet. They are showing a full-figured, healthy, and their idea of "beautiful" you, when before all they could show was an out of control and sick person, this is unfortunately how too many people defined you. Your music is now TIMELESS, you are now one of those GREAT artists, you are now WORTHY of public attention now that you're dead, oh the irony of the media. You were always beautiful, your music has always been timeless, and you did not need all of that media attention to show how big of a star you were. I am still in a huge state of disbelief that you are no longer here to give us more of you, but it is also good to know that you no longer have to be here to struggle with the harsh criticism of the media and your addiction and complete assholes in general. I just hope that people let your soul rest in peace and learn how to treat not only celebrities such as yourself better, but people in general. We live in a sick sad world and the last thing we need is for people to bring other people down while at the same time trying to keep afloat in society.

Rest in Peace Amy.

Pointing the Finger.

People fake a lot of things, their sexual experiences, the way they act when they have a little alcohol or weed in their system, how smart they are, and RELIGION. I can't pass judgement on who is real or who is REALLY faking it, but what I can speak on is how people do and say certain things AGAINST religion to appear rebellious or cool. I can say that I know plenty of people who fake their disbelief in order to fit in with a certain group of people or to draw attention. They blatantly say things against holy scriptures and religious figures with uneducated thoughts and total ignorance on the subject of religion all because they feel that religion or believing is dumb. I hate when people have no validation or proof to their beliefs and can only back it by saying "because that shit is dumb." Grow up! If you are not going to like something at least know why it is you don't like something. I personally do not believe in religion simply because of how I have seen it separate families, friends, and nations more than any dollar, infidel, or tragedy could. I am all about peace, happiness, and freedom amongst human beings and I believe that religion is just the opposite. You do not need to be a rocket scientist to know that there has been more blood shed and war over religion more anything else in this sick world we live in. I am not knocking anybody who is religious and is proud of their faith and a strong believer in it. It is ignorant to try and break someone down for believing in something that they believe will better them as a person. This is for the ones who flat out disrespect or bash anything thing simply because they want to stand out and feel accepted somewhere in society simply because according to them "that shit is done". Have knowledge of something before you declare that you don't like it.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I Tried to Catch Em All...

Gotta catch'em all! Gotta catch'em all! POKEMON!!! In any story I plan to tell my grandchildren in the future about my childhood I would be an old fool for not dedicating at least an hour or two of story telling to Pokemon! When I was in the 4th grade in 1998 these creatures and this boy with a cool ass name popped up on my TV screen and I became hooked! There was nothing cooler than hearing these crazy sounding names coming from these little monsters that came out of these things they called Pokeballs! I will never forget when my mom got me my first set of trading cards. I got the starter pack that came with duplicates of like five Pokemon and a million energy cards! I never understood the purpose of energy cards, I mean I did, but I never used em; those or those little gem rocks that came with em. I will never forget my first ever card trade, uggh I was dumb as fuck! I traded my holographic Machamp card for a damn Onyx and a Jinx card! My mom almost killed me when she found out that I had gotten ripped off by two older guys in my neighborhood. Her and my Dad tracked em down and made them trade me my shit back. After that they had my friend come over and teach me the basic to trading and what certain symbols on the cards meant. In about a month or two I was the fucking man! I had every card I could want, with the exception of a few. I remember my Mom packing up me and my friends in our station wagon and taking us up to J&K (the card trading store) and we would buy packs of cards or trade up with the store owner. Times were so awesome back then. It was amazing how these cards taught us about unity and responsibility and to an extent we even got better at reading...I mean Pokemon was a cartoon, but when it came to playing and understanding the game, you had to READ. I remember the front of my house being our own makeshift version of a Pokemon Trainer's Gym, we would hook our Gameboy's up to each others and battle and trade Pokemon until we had to go indoors. We battled and traded in the hottest of Summer days to the most bitter and chilling days of winter, we went hard! I will never forget the time we setup a tournament to see who could fight Pokemon the best, I won a few matches, but I'm pretty sure I didn't win. I remember one kid, ironically the guy who taught me how to play the game, was getting frustrated beyond all reason because he could not hit any of my Pokemon because I made them all too fast. The student kicked the teachers ass, and it felt good! The Pokemon wave was great while it lasted. I do not know of any Pokemon after the original 151 (I know it was originally 150, but Mew WAS in the intro to the cartoon series) I didn't want to know of anything other than the originals, so that is where I left this awesome a matter of fact, it was not just a game, it was a culture. A culture that I miss but will never forget, shit I just ordered a damn Gameboy Color and Pokemon Yellow Version from Amazon while I was typing up the nostalgically powered piece! You can say "I'm too old" to have one or whatever, I could care less. I just like older versions of what is considered fun...hell, I still have my cards too! Can't wait til I get my package!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Escape Route

Hey Guys! Welcome the fuck back! As of yesterday if you were present in life or have any sense of time at all, you know that August has finally arrived after having 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, & 5 Sundays (WOW!!!)And damn!!! this year is moving too fucking fast for me! 2011 feels like it just started! I'll be 22 in 3 months?! Wow! Pretty soon we'll be singing Auld Lang Syne again bringing in the New Year with all kinds of potency in our systems partying our asses off like it's 1999 again! These past few weeks have been a bit tough for me, but very educational at the same time. Work has been kicking my ass, I got my first day off in like 40 days on Saturday, and it was much needed; went down to Kings Dominion and fucked shit up! Over these past few weeks I have come to the conclusion that I need to get out of here...soon! I already talked it over with my Mom, my Brother, and a few of my closest friends. I have the greatest opportunity RIGHT NOW to explore the world and make myself who I want to be. My mom always said "God made the world for EVERYBODY to see." and I am part of everybody so that's exactly what the fuck I'm going to do. I'm an acting major so I'm def going to start abroad in California and study acting and theater writing there first. I know it's a long way away from home, but I can do it, and the people back home will survive without me...I'm sure. Then after California I plan to go to the UK and study writing and theater there as well. I know people are probably like "ooo big dreams..." or "that sounds easier said than done..." I don't believe that anything is easier said than done, if you can dream it you can achieve it, especially if you're willing to put in the work that is required for you to reach your dreams and goals. Nothing comes easy from doing nothing, but it comes a lot easier when you have actually built a foundation and worked on it. I told myself years ago that I indeed was going to be something and SOMEBODY with a career that I love so much that I cannot even tell it's a job. Your situation, after a certain age, is a result of your decisions that you've made. At the end of the day, if you don't want to be somewhere, or you want to change something about yourself or your situation you can indeed do it. i don't care where you're from, how much money you don't have, or how much support you DON'T can always improve something. Things never happen instantly, well most things we want, but they can in fact happen. Better late than never, baby steps soon progress to giant leaps in success.