Call Me Crazy...In Love...No Cliche

I can't lie, this whole BREAK has been the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with in any relationship. It's especially tough because it's basically made me cut contact with someone I care about and love very much. I can def see the positive stuff coming out of all of this, but at the same time I want the break to be over. In previous blogs , I have written songs and poems about Her, and eventhough my heart hurts it still feels so good to be able to want and appreciate someone like her. SHE IS AMAZING, SHE IS LOVE. I feel like a jackass for assuming that she is taking this break time to test her waters and see what else is out there besides me. But when you have been drinking as much as I have lately, it's pretty hard to have good judgement; even in regards for someone you trust and believe in so much. I sent her a text this morning when I woke up at 7am! My damn brother and his friend had a track meet to go to and I had to play cabby! The text bascially said how she is always the first and last thing on my mind. Then after all that I finally say "Good morning Love." I capitalize Love because that is what I call her. I don't know how long this break is or will continue to last, but like I told her "I'm here for the long run." We are two very deserving people who deserve each other. My friends beg to differ...they just hate how I have been handling the situation...they're justified. And I cannot lie, I have been quite pissed off with how I am at times being blatantly ignored or "carried". I am terrible with "Breaks" because in previous relationships I have always associated the word with "break-up" or "go mess around and come back to me unhappy still". That's the last thing I want... And how the hell can we make a future if we keep resorting back to previous shitty relationships. I ain't him, and you're definitely not her. I just want us to be happy again, like we were at the candle light dinner I made for her weeks ago. That's another thing that is kickin my ass! I have not seen her in weeks and everytime I try and make a date...I get brushed off. I am still trying to figure her out. I know I let her down majorly, but damn is this really what I get in return. I care about this girl to a degree that I have never cared about anyone before. In her world, she has heard this cliche ass statement many times; the difference is I can honestly say I mean it. Let's just review my record...NO INFIDELITY! NO LYING! NO CALLING ANYONE OUT OF THEIR NAME! Oh yeah did I mention I care! Like I really care! But I guess she's had that happen too many times so all it takes is one fuck up for me and I get looked at in a different light. Sucks huh? Notice how I don't have any negativity towards her? I must really be in love because eventhrough all this, teh sun still shines out the crack of her ass...yes I took this line from 'Juno'...it was too good for me not to use. I will grant her wishes and give her "space". I hope this doesn't backfire...I actually trust her. No, like really TRUST HER. In the meantime I will continue writing songs and stuff about her because it's therapy for me. Music is my healer. And I will def leave the liqour alone when feeling lonely and instead call up a friend or take my ass to sleep. I will also hope and pray that she gets better in these dark times she's facing...I couldn't imagine the pressure. If I could take it from her and throw it away I would. I want to make her another candle light dinner, I want to be the flame that makes it melt. I want to be hers.