Thursday, February 10, 2011

Out Of My Head, Out Of My Hands.


They say when you have nitemares about somebody it means that they miss you? I don't know if that is the truth or a bunch of bullshit. Like I said, it what "they" say, and most of what they say is a bunch of bullshit most days. People don't trust their own silly logic anymore these days. But I digress, I have been having constant nitemares about a certain somebody who apparently I'm not fully over yet...or at least my subconscious isn't yet. The worst part about all these episodes is that they FEEL REAL. Not so much real in the sense of what goes on the dream. The talks, the touches, the smells, the overall interaction seems as if it never left. It's like we paused the movie and pressed play all over again, picking up right where we left out. I can't help but to wake up feeling alone, cheated, and ridiculed. At the end of the day, all of the nitemares appear to make sense in my real life. I have all of these locked away emotions and fantasies in a dream that are practically screaming to be free when I am wide awake, but I won't let them get the best of me...so torment myself when I'm sleep with thoughts of her. Why can I sit up here and tell these things to complete strangers? Probably because I know they are reading for entertainment, which this is intended for, but within it lies lots of truths. It is like everywhere I fucking go in my dream, there she is. I have taken plenty of sedatives to try and put me in the deepest sleep possible just so can either skip the dreams or not remember them when I wake up. I haven't had these nitemares in months on end...I was fine...I was in some way shape or form...satisfied...but now I feel a bit empty all over again...as if something is missing...again.

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