Friday, January 28, 2011

The Cloud Hangs Low.


I'm starting to lose comfort and sanity within myself. I all of a sudden feel like I want to break the fuck out of here! My bestfriend knows me best, because this time last year I had the same feelings, only difference is I got out of this hell that I called home. The fire is snow, the smoke is that cold air that blows and the holidays bring depression. I don't want to be constantly reminded of how Martin Luther King Jr. was murdered...they don't even celebrate his birthday properly...today they were two days late with that celebration. Why? So the government could take ANOTHER day off. They're worse than the public school systems. The State of the Union ain't do nothing but make me feel like a made the wrong decision at the polls that morning, Never anticipated school so much, I'm tired of sitting around feeling like nothing and when I do something it still feels like nothing. Being a manic-depressive sucks, especially on Friday nights. Sitting up here watching this cool ass depressing ass movie, The Dark Knight not really in the mood for conversation via text, IM, tweeting, or hearing another humans voice. I just wanna sit in my thoughts till I sink in and can't get out. I left home thinking back here was going to be uplifting, not the case. I tricked myself again. Maybe Maryland just is not the place for me, hell it wasn't the place for my sister or any of the athletes who were born here because you never hear of a sensational NBA player playing for the Wizards being born in or around the area. I can read people's faces without saying a word or seeing a letter. Is this what I get for not drinking or smoking tonight? Or is this just a good ol classic case of withdrawal. Two parties going on but I don't want to be at one of em...I anticipate too much I guess. Or it could be because I'm lonely as fuck, nothing close to a girlfriend out here...prospect? maybe. But who the fuck knows. I never felt more disappointed in myself for no reason ever...I feel like day by day I'm just wasting away. This must be home my stupid fucking managers feel and why they hate us so much. They see us working for a few extra dollars in our pocket, but they know that this is ALL THEY WILL EVER HAVE, being the manager of muuhfuckin Cinnabon. Oh well fuck em, as long as I have a job I am not complaining...times are too hard for that. I miss all my friends back home even though when I'm there they are hardly ever around or available. But honestly I'm just tired of the sky being gray. Why did this time last year have to be so perfect?! Now I'm comparing today to it and the comparison isn't even close. All I can do is reminisce...and even that hurts somedays.

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