We all have those situations we find ourselves in where we swear up and down that it is OUR faults or that it must be something that we are not doing correct. It happens all the time in friendship, work, school, sports, when you look at your paycheck and wonder where the rest of it went, but it is most hilarious when you think that you are the reason for a bad sex experience. Now our generation for some reason prides itself on how good we are at sex, how much sex we have, and how long the sex lasts (even though nobody ever owns up to consequences that come with sex.) or how good the sex is ( we all live in a world where we have sex as good as our favorite love songs). Nobody ever wants to be the one who is awful at it, who can't sustain it for a long time, or be the one who does not know how to handle themselves once they get a taste of it. For girls the most embarrassing thing that could happen for them (I think.) is that that they don't get moist or if their sacred garden smells like a sewer! For guys I would say the most embarrassing thing that can occur is for them to ejaculating to soon, having a small wiener, or the God-awful stigma of not being able to get it up! Most guys will tell you "pssh! never had that problem!" I can personally tell you, I HAVE and it was hilarious...a few weeks later because I found out that I wasn't turning old at the age of 17 needing Viagra, hell I was actually quite normal. Summer of 2007 is where this hilarious sexcapade takes place. Now please do take notice that I will NOT use anyone's name in this story for the sake of their sexual career. I will never forget the setting that hot ass, cramped, messy room. There I laid, NAKED as she climbed on top of me, now I had had a few partners prior to her, but I knew for damn sure that she had the hairiest pubic garden BY FAR! WTF! SHAVE! It is not that hard! If my hedges are trimmed then you can be a decent neighbor and mow your fucking lawn! She got on top of me, grabbed a hold of my pride, and tried to slide it into her (you wanna talk about friction, I swear a brush fire could have been started), I immediately lost all kinds of hope for what was about to happen, and like an epiphany for a great idea that is so perfect and complete...I went soft! I pretended to wanted to go on and at least please her, she was my girlfriend n shit, but who was I fooling I was already laying there with no interest in banging her. I had already started watching the Golden Girls out the corner of my eye because it was on the TV across the room. We did some kissing, no sex, and went on about our business. The next day we sat and talked about what had happened the day before and she basically blamed the whole thing on me. I blamed myself too because I had the belief that once a girl is naked and willing in front of you that your tire is not suppose to go flat before you hit the road, I was so wrong. About two weeks later or so we tried again...and the same thing happened! I began to feel worthless in a way, there was nothing worse than feeling like I was not able to please somebody that I really liked and cared about. I was confused for days because I could be waking up and easily have "morning wood" or see something a bit intriguing on TV and easily get one that way as well. One day while I was at work at Au Bon Pain, I decided to walk to this Chinese drug store in Chinatown and buy some ginseng pills to stimulate my junk! The box was hilarious! It was a hentai (cartoon porn) drawing of two Street Fighter characters fucking hardcore, and inside were the pills. They were about 500mg in each cap, I don't remember exactly. I bought the pills, called up my girlfriend, told her what I had just bought (she laughed) and then noticed a bulge in my pants. Now what would cause this bulge? Could it have been the tons of girls that I was surrounded by at the moment who were just downtown shopping wearing the shortest of short skirts and shorts? Or could it have been the Asian clerk who rung me up who had that awesome accent with those lovely boobies? I don't know what it was that hit me at the moment, but I then realized that it was not ME who had the problem, my not being able to get a boner was not my fault at all! I figured...how can I get a boner around someone who I am not attracted to? It was her that was the cause for not being able to get an erection! I just simply was not into her sexually. No offense, but it guess that was my body's way of telling me that she was not the one, and that something better was waiting around the corner. Now of course I did not tell her that I was not sexually attracted to her, that would have been such an insensitive asshole type move. Even though in this day and age I would have been let her know how I was feeling. I was all nice and timid about the information I gave people back in 2007, but not in this day and age. I'm far more blunt and honest. I decided to lay off trying to have sex with her for the duration of our relationship which was a total joke to me and everyone I was friends with at the time. So many lies and deception (on her side) and I tried everything in my power to keep it working, but for what? We luckily split over the next two weeks which was pretty cool because we all know how people love being single in the summertime these days.
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