The Storm.

Thunderstorms have always been something that soothed my raging soul after a day filled with bullshit. Nothing is more calming than the sound of the rain hitting the atmosphere and the thunder roaring in the night sky. Thunderstorms at any time of day are awesome, but the ones at night are absolute magic! The sounds from the raindrops and thunder transcend over into my dreams and nitemares making my subconscious so vivid and real that when I wake up I feel as if reality will never compare to what I just woke up from. Today was actually a pretty shitty day, somebody just up and disappeared, i realized that I haven't done shit over this spring break but work and be sick, and have just sat in the deepest places of my thoughts all day. I haven't really been in too much a mood to talk to too many people today either, or lately as a matter of fact. People just don't seem as permanent as they use to in my opinion. This maybe because of my back tracking ass thoughts, I hate that everyday has become a comparison to a day I had last year or two years ago, I don't know...that's when I was my happiest. I just don't feel like doing shit anymore but working, hanging out from time to time, or being alone, and then coming home and taking my pills and going to bed. Going to bed has actually become my favorite part of the day, that's where everything happens that I want to. It is the only time I have no responsibility or control over anything that goes on in my mind. Lately I just want to be alone and not bothered by too many people, I just don't have the mental capacity to tolerate too much shit these days. I know things will get better eventually, whatever it is going on with me exactly, but I just wish things could be the way they use to be. I was working on trying to be happy again without being dependent on a lot of things, but it feels that I am lapsing right back into that old way and I don't know how to weather it. It came from nowhere carrying a great variety of things to stir and shake up my thoughts, emotions, and even my fears...the storm.