Thursday, July 8, 2010

Hello Forever??


So I've been working this government job for about 3 weeks now, and I can honestly say that I never ever saw myself having a job where I would wake up at six something in the morning, getting on the train with the other working class people who wear nice dress clothes, and fall asleep and miss their stop; but I am, just for the summer though. I would probably kill myself if I had to do this shit every morning for twenty plus years, or the rest of my life. It would feel like FOREVER! What was that word I just said? FOREVER? Yes! The word that gets the human race in a frenzy...FOREVER. After having dinner with an old friend about two weeks ago and hearing her briefly talk with a friend who worked at the restaurant we were eating at, I have come to the conclusion that everyone is obsessed or infatuated with the thoughts of "forever". Think about it, we want our lives, marriages, gold fish from the carnival, young relationships, and youth amongst a few things to last FOREVER. I stopped believing in forever after that Friday night her and I hung out, it was a bit odd because we were in the same spot in the city (DC) where my ex and I last hung out and had a romantic evening out on the town. (I kissed her on a bridge, felt like I was in a movie!) I was having a great time with my friend, who is also a previous girlfriend from almost three years ago, but all I could think about was HER. (I hate saying the word "Ex" sounds like a fucking disaster, she was a blessing.) My friend, who was mentioned in a previous blog was just getting out of a relationship with someone, so that evening was basically a 'fuck the bullshit let's just get back to happiness" night. Even though while we were hanging out and walking, it was so hard to not think about what she was up to, how she was, or what she was doing at the moment. She consumed almost my every thought that evening. I'm sure my friend could tell by my facial expression, because I could tell by hers that she was thinking the same about her ex. We were miserable yet appeased at the moment with each other's company. At the restaurant, my friend and her friend who was the hostess, had some small talk about their most previous relationships, and my friend said "I thought we would last forever." It was that statement that inspired me to write this piece. I'll admit, I believed this about almost every girlfriend I've ever had; even the shitty girlfriends got this thought from me poured into their glass of ego and stupidity. Why are we so afraid to let go and face the reality that there may possibly be something...or excuse me someone out there better than what you just had? I honestly still think that there is no one out there better than my last girlfriend, but I'll see what fate has in store for me. I honestly don't want to date for awhile, I think I've said this a few posts ago, but I can't help having consistent thoughts, you know? I actually had a dream about her last night and the first thing I did was rolled over and sent her a text message. I knew I wasn't going to get a response, but fuck it, it was worth a try right? She makes sleep a nitemare and a lovely dream for me. It is part of the reason I hate to sleep even when my body demands it. If I sleep I know I'll bump into her and wake up heart broken and lost, but seeing her is amazing in it's own. But anyways I digress again dammit! I find it amazing to hear people use the word "forever" to describe anything else besides diamonds and poverty. (I'm still very skeptical of the two.) The other day I heard someone say that they wanted their shoes to last forever even though they play basketball in them every day for moments at a time, I'll give the poor Nike's about a month before they're dump truck worthy. I'm pretty sure those poor bastards will be as beat as Rodney King was soon enough. I gave up on forever that Friday night because through my experiences and what I have witnessed I know that nothing is capable of lasting forever, no matter how amazing it appears to be. That is kind of why I'd rather be cremated when I die...who seriously wants to lie in a casket once they've passed on to rot and become fucking worm goodies? Not me that is for damn sure! Do me a favor and spread my ashes around the Tastee Diner in Downtown Silver Spring, I would love that...or my spirit would at least. Love doesn't last forever because the shit would have carried over through the past couple decades (1960's & 1970's) instead of fading away and leaving this generation with hate and malice for one another. It's funny because I heard Ringo Starr from The Beatles say on his birthday yesterday "there is more peace and love NOW than it was back in the 60's.) I find this statement very hard to believe, but Ringo is old and it was his birthday so my pass on that statement Will be his present. Thanks for Octopus's Garden! Money definitely does not last forever...ask MC Hammer. Relationships...go figure. Life is the one thing that trips me out. I do, but I don't life lasts forever. It's a pretty fucked up thought. I think that the life of your spirit will live on but not the body. So to those who believe in death you'll appear dead, and to those who believe in the afterlife you'll be alive. I hope that bullshit made sense, I'm almost shocked that I took time to clarify that nonsense...oh well. I'll say one thing though, if I did die today I know I can say I would have died unhappy, not because I didn't live long...who cares about that shit? It's about the quality of life not quantity. Not because I didn't have kids...it scares the shit out of me to imagine bringing up a kid in this corrupt and evil place called Earth. And definitely not because I died on bad terms with certain people. I would be unhappy at the lack of satisfaction...I hear about the wonders of life and the greatness of life for such a long time, but I have yet to see or feel what the fuck these looney's are talking about! Maybe my views will change one day in regards to this forever nonsense, we shall find out. I think that everyone is so focused on the ideas of forever that they lost focus of what today is and what today means.

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