Been Aware, Take Action.

For the past couple of weeks I have been having the most vivid and horrifying nightmares beyond imagination. In one dream I damn near ran around the world to get things needed to save my mother from dying, and I failed tremendously. Then last night, I had a nightmare about a movie theater that was racist and the motherfuckers only had 6 parking spots! And to top it all off my dog (Gracie) somehow got so hurt that the bottom part of her jaw came off. She was laying in the floor just crying because she was in such pain, and the only way to take her out of her misery was to put her to sleep. I know that doesn't seem too bad, but when you actually see and hear something (an animal) that you are THAT close to in pain it has a way of shaking you up when you snap out of the nightmare. I actually enjoy my nightmares, they provide my nighttime entertainment, but as of lately, I am not a fan of who my nightmares have been starring...people or things that I love. But! I do have a nightmare that is prevalent even when I am awake, this nightmare is one that the world has been plagued with for decades now...HIV/AIDS...the worst part of the nightmare is that people are STILL ignorant to this day about the virus! It got Wilt Chamberlain, buried Eazy-E, capped Magic Johnson, ruined Africa, and is now beginning to affect millions under the age of 25! But yet people still have that "oh it could never happen to me." mentality. Why? I don't know! I hear some of my friends, both male and female say, "Condoms take away from the pleasure" "she's on the pill." or my all time fucking favorite! "we both know our status so what's the big deal?" Oh I don't know dumb ass, how about the slight possibility of infidelity with someone who actually DOES have the virus, and if you do know your status which is always a huge bonus, how about preventing unwanted pregnancies?! Yea the other OTHER P word that isn't just talking about genitalia. People lay down with just about anyone these days not really giving a damn about that persons previous sexual record or how fertile they are! Okay Okay, I'm just kidding about the fertility thing who can really judge that?, but seriously I know and have plenty of friends who absolutely hate their BABY MAMA or BABY "FOVA" who they hardly know because it was just suppose to be "a quick hook-up" <<<------WE HAVE GOT TO DO BETTER THAN THIS PEOPLE! Grow up, slap a condom on, use lube if you have to, and do like BET said back when it was actually cool to watch and "WRAP IT UP!" or in my own words, "WRAP IT THE FUCK UP!" I love sex! I love it by the pound! I'll be happy when they start selling that shit in cans! I cannot sit up here and act like I never rode in the car without my seat belt on before, because I have...and that is exactly why I sit my ass up there in the doctor's office and my room nervous every time I take a blood test or scared at the thought that my little soldiers (sperm) could have possibly gotten somebody pregnant...and the last time I did it without a condom was THE LAST TIME!...well the last time I'm doing it without protection until marriage. I know my status... and as of October I'm HIV negative and proud! The thing about the virus that frightens me most is knowing that is something that you just can't take a shot to kill, take a shower to wash off, or apply cream to and it will disappear in a few days...that shit is everlasting until they find this so-called cure; you wake up and go to bed with it everyday...it becomes a part of your life...it changes your life.

I am one of the believers who think that they have found a cure years ago?...my theory on where it came from does not matter to me. I took a human sexuality class a year ago and the book said that some people figured that the HIV/AIDS virus was "God's punishment to the gays", "it was put here to discipline horny teenagers", and that "came from two white men in Africa" (who the fuck can spot two white men in Africa?!) All of those sound very ignorant and far-fetched if you ask me. It does not matter where it came from, all that matters is how we can protect ourselves from it now and how to get it out of here in the future. The virus does not discriminate at all, even though some tend to think otherwise. Look who it has taken, look who it has in its grasp now! I'm damn well sure that you do not want to be a victim of something so easy to prevent; it is not like it is airborne or anything. Condoms are everywhere...their like the Starbucks of sex! There are plenty of places offering tests for free! And I know how much people LOVE free shit in these hard economic times! They do free testing at colleges, clinics, hell do something positive with YouTube if you have to and put your Trey Songz or Nicki Minaj impersonation on hold and find out how to construct a "do it yourself HIV test" yea they have that shit on YouTube and Google (who powers my blog), how accurate is it? I have the slightest clue...I'm pretty sure it is not the best method to discover your status...I'm pretty sure people have actually scared themselves shitless or killed themselves after finding a positive result after doing those at home tests. I wrote this post in lieu of World AIDS Day which is tomorrow (December 1st). I don't believe that awareness for anything should be designated for a certain day or month, but be a year round acknowledgment, especially one pertaining to the HIV/AIDS virus...it's bad enough that Black folk get the shortest calendar month of the fucking year! Oh lord! I sound like a Black Panther Jehovah witness lunatic who has a way with words! I doubt I will wear any red to represent tomorrow, because I think shit like that is to be trendy and kinda takes away from the seriousness of what tomorrow really represents...who knows? I may end up with something red on tomorrow. In the mean time, if your in a college dorm I'm sure they have a big ass jar at the check in desk in the lobby that says "take as many as you need" and Costco sells them in bundles of like a thousand!...go get them and if you have extras because this month you have been striking out...share! Hell! I don't know, give them to the kids in your neighborhood...yea the middle schoolers are fucking like rabbits these days too, watch the news and you would be amazed! Oh yea don't forget the lube!

My Mama's Tears.

They running like the stole something
Something from your heart, your soul,
Running wild, frantic, outta control
I know the pain you feel because your eyes transmit it to my heart
A problem here, bullshit there, I don't know where to start.
You telling me "son stay in school, don't give up you're too smart!"
But when you're on the phone yelling at those assholes I too want to fall apart.
Act a fool knock back a drink with some pills, but I chill.
You deserve better than the hand you were dealt.
One car for five people! Man fuck a seatbelt!
I been out the window!
Leaping to bring you greater things because I know you're working just as hard as anyone I know.
Still shit piles on like last years snow!
Rise like dough, shine like crystals.
To knock down the barrier of strife and struggle your my missile.
Daddy died, mama cried.
Mama kept at it, if the women in the neighborhood gossiping your mama LIED!
My blessing, my blueprint, my backbone, my beautiful
Mama, queen, goddess, any other nouns are not suitable.

What's the Rush Again?

Twitter! Facebook! It all consumes me...Twitter more than Facebook of course...they should have had a movie about Twitter first dammit! Who the hell sat there and thought to themselves "hmm...I want people to be aware of every though and action that is taking place in my life via internet...but how can I do this?" Whoever this intelligent fucker was, they were brilliant in creating this awesome site, raise the roof! But what I have noticed from Twitter is that everybody has a different interpretation of love. Yes LOVE...AMOR...SARANG...MAHAL...AMOUR...ELSKE...or my favorite RAKASTAA! But it seems that everyone is in a rush to do things when it comes to romance! Not just dating, sex, or hanging out...but marriage which is really scary. People are so quick to label their boyfriend or girlfriend of 2 months or 2 weeks as their "husband" or "wife" whoa whoa whoa! When the fuck did simple pet names become synonyms for the the establishment of marriage! Marriage, is becoming the new hell, let alone a joke! No wonder so many people would rather stay in long term relationships rather than making a legal transaction of vows and rings. Most marriages these days are unfortunately ending in divorce or are filled with physical and verbal forms domestic violence and the all too infamous form of betrayal...cheating. I think most people are in love with the idea of marriage...thank your television ladies and gentlemen! Thank the idiot box for promoting the most false images of what marriage is these days. Sure marriage on television looks all lovey dovey, but even Marge and Homer know how to talk and work their problems out, they don't assume that the situation will just blow over and disappear all of a sudden. I am not against the idea of marriage by any means, I do eventually want a wife and family of my own one day...but I damn sure do not want anything of the sort right now while I am in school working on being prepared for the real-world, or this damn economy that is making school a safe haven from the real-world. Thank God I now have the desire to pick up a double major next semester. I am currently a TV production major, and to compliment it I will double-major in theater! Yes I like to be in front of the camera, but I digress. I had a conversation with a young girl not too long ago, troubled most of her life, and she told me that she was going to have this dudes baby to keep him around and possibly to have a family with him. Damn shame this is the mentality of so many other young girls in the country who feel they have to have a child young to keep a guy around for love and affection. With the way my species (Men) are going about things these days, having a baby is almost like spraying repellent around yourself. I've sat in many youth awareness groups and the topic of men dating women with children arose, and most of the boys in the group reacted like lunatics shouting out "aww hell no!" Me personally, it doesn't matter...it is not like the girl I'm interested in is asking me to raise her kid or be the father, but you must understand that that child's father could possibly be around her when it comes time to spend time with the child, and whether you like it or not, that is the way it is. Can you handle the presence of another man who has shared romance with the girl your interested in is the issue...are you that mature and secure? I know I'm not that is why I try not to get involved with women with kids...even though I'll admit I have the biggest crush on a girl who just had a kid...what can I say? She's gorgeous...sue me! You can't help who you like...kids or not...sometimes I think it's unfair for people write-off people who are young with kids. You see it all the fucking time! But anyways...back to the point...we are far too young to be worried about relationships and MARRIAGE while we are all trying to better ourselves for the future and change the world...the relationship possibilities will be there forever...so what's the rush? For those in relationships right now, madly in love, at a young age....I wish you all the best and hope it lasts...but keep your eyes on the prize and trust me it isn't necessarily the person you call your significant other.

You ever Have the Feeling Like You're Being Robbed?

"I ain't scared of you muthafuckas!...I'm tired of the shit!" Words spoken by the late GREAT Bernie Mac on Def Comedy Jam sometime ago in the 1990's. It sucks that a comedian of his caliber is now deceased and that our kids kids will never know how influential and awesome his comedy and content was. I went home this past Friday to see my family and relax for the weekend, like I usually do...or try to do. I have been living in and out of a suitcase for the past month or so around campus (Towson University) at friends dorms and apartments. I just want them to know that I truly appreciate them so much for giving me a place to stay. As soon as I get my money together for my tags and my car repairs, I want to treat them to something nice...or better yet get them all something for Christmas...they deserve it for being that damn generous...and Christmas season is right around the corner. So, when I was home I decided to go to the city and go for a nice long walk to relax my mind for a bit; things have been so hectic at home lately since my sister got put out and sent to Virginia, and honestly I cannot stand going home at times...it is always some sort of issue waiting for me as soon as I drop my bags in the fourer. But this past Friday, I did not have to wait til I got home for my problems to begin. The problem I faced was a universal problem felt by thousands throughout the area actually, the MetroRail system.

I do not know where to start with these assholes! They are like a drug! Everybody knows they are no good whatsoever, but everybody keeps running back to them more and more because without it we would lose our damn minds!...Oh I know...I'll start with the trip back home to Largo! I waited at the Metro Center stop for damn near 30 minutes for a train to pull into the fucking station! on a Friday! After that the train moved all of five stops maybe and then I end up at Eastern Market, stuck for forty-five minutes! Why?! Because these assholes ultimately decided to start doing track work for Saturday on a Friday night! Who does that?! To make matters worse, they made all of us customers go above ground and catch a fucking shuttle to another location! Now I'm not afraid of being in bad neighborhoods...but there is a line that needs to be drawn when you take a couple hundred aggitated, frustrated, and tired individuals and drop them off on Benning Road! Benning Road isn't the toughest, by far isn't that threatening, but the combination was one for disaster! For some reason the Metro always wants to run slower or shut down stations ON WEEKENDS when it's patrons utilize it the most to head to malls or the city for events. The Metro's excuse for the delays and shut down stations? Track maintenance. The Metro has been doing track maintenance for almost five years now, when does the fuckery end?! The rails are not broken, they are not bound by dead bodies, no trains have crashed within the last year...what is the fucking maintenance for?! Now for some reason, Metro has ironically increased their fares with the decrease in customer satisfaction and inconvenience...now ain't that a beotch?! I remember when I use to cost all of $1.35 minimum to ride the Metro...in less than six years the minimum has increased to $1.95...now sixty cents may not seem like much, but imagine you were a tourist with a family (kids included) that sixty hike per fare card can be a bit costly when you plan on going to various destinations for a trip, or if you are a local who just wants to mall hop on a Saturday. It's just unfair to everybody! I won't even begin to speak about the differences in on-peak and off peak fares! I'm not going to go into my grandparents world and talk about how "back in my day things were so much cheaper..." because I am far too young to be talking like that...but I will say that I understand what my grandparents mean when they say "shit just cost too damn much these days!" I don't know if you have been following the news, but a 65 year old karate teacher and military veteran in Brooklyn, NY ran for governor of New York in last weeks elections with the campaign slogan of "The Rent is Too Damn High"...the guy literally looked like Colonel Sanders (aka the KFC Man) Did he win the election? Hell no! But he did get 24,000+ votes from the people who agreed with his notions that the rent in NYC is in fact "Too damn High!" Just like the fares for the Metro! Have they even selected a president or head of Metro yet? Last time I heard they were forming a fucking "selection committee" to basically come in and recruit a person who is qualified for the job...where the hell is Monster.com? where the hell is Craiglist?! Where the hell is the hiring manager?! I had a government job over the summer, and they paid for my fare on the Metro...but I must say as a taxpayer and a person who knows other tax payers whose tax dollars go to funding the Metro, I feel shitty knowing that our money goes toward nothing positive! I swear to God this Purple Line they are now constructing better have God embedded in the tracks or I am going to begin a personal boycott of this Metro system! I would love to encourage others to begin considering a boycott of their own, but I'm not trying to inspire a revolt against a system that damn near everyone in the working-class utilizes in the DMV area. I just wish that the Metro would stop raising the prices and lowering their grade of service!